Memories 2: When I was troubles I am because I know:
It is impossible to deny that the very capacity to which we attribute responsibility for our being able to go through life is why for some life is unlivable, and unbearable.
Having different backgrounds, we also have had different experiences in life, as kids, while growing up, as young adults and even as grown-ups. There are things we are grateful for, things we regret, and some other things we don’t want to remember because of how much they hurt or the sense of guilt and accusation we feel when our thoughts drift in their direction.l
In line with this also, there are things (in some cases) we can’t stop remembering even though we wish we couldn’t. These memories are persistent; living daily with us tormenting, torturing and accusing us. If memories are as cool as we say, how about this kind? Well, we’ll look at this and also a few ways to deal with situations like this.
In a bid to resolve this we will be dividing these kinds of memories into two broad categories.
- Memories that hurt because of something you were a victim of. This will include something that happened to you, something you suffered, an experience, etcetera.
- Memories that hurt/hunt by reason of something you were actively or directly involved in or participated in. This will range from something you did, failed to do and or something you were directly or indirectly responsible for, either deliberately or indeliberately.
- Memories that hurts because something you were a victim of:
These will include as we have already said, something that happened to you, something you suffered, an experience and so on. How do we resolve and deal with memories like this? Well the following ways will go a long way to help:
• Realization! (Accept reality)
Nothing can be done about the past—that is to undo it—its past and done, and that’s it. Though it may be painful but we must always accept reality the way it is and not that way it’s not. This and that has happened nothing can be done about it. If reality is there staring at us what we do is accept it is real and then decide what we are going to do with it.
• What next? Choose!
Bringing us to our next step is leveraging on the power and capacity we have to make of choices. Choose! It’s one thing when people or circumstances ruined part of our lives because we didn’t have a choice/say in the matter or couldn’t fight back. It is another thing all together when we choose to allow these things to continue to prevail and rule over us and in our life when we now have a choice in the matter, and can even fight back. If nothing can be done about the past and we have the choice to walk away from it letting it go, then it is the best thing for us to do.
Perhaps an answer to this might be “it’s not that easy”, well of course it’s not. Nothing good comes easy, but what’s good they say is worth fighting for and this includes your happiness, your peace of mind, your sanity, and your whole life. It’s what fighting for. Choose your happiness and whatever stands up against your choice is something that has taken a stand for a fight, well, fight for your noble cause and fight it all the way. You do well.
• Face up with your fears! Unmask it!
This leads on from the last point; what is not confronted cannot be conquered. What we don’t engage in offense might linger. First there is a fight and then there is victory. To be finally free from these memories we must face them and unmask them. In doing this however we must be armed with a know-how of what we are doing to be anywhere near success. The fear that lingers is the fear that is unengaged, the fear that hunts is the fear unfaced. It might just be a teddy in a Halloween costume who knows?
• Continue to live, insisting on happiness and remaining free!
Having done all this, insist on being this way. Continue to remain like this: insisting on happiness and freedom.
Memories that hurt/hunt by reason of something you were actively or directly involved or participated in
This type of memory ranges from something or things you did, failed to do and or something you are responsible for (either deliberately or indeliberately). How do we remedy something like this?
Three simple steps (as guiding principles) will help to deal with issues like this.
• Accept in honest terms your actions and responsibility for it. Do not attempt to cover up guilt with self-justification.
• Make peace (with your past).
What does it mean for one to make peace with their and how does one make peace with his or her past? Here is what and how:
Making peace with one’s past simply means engaging the heart and the conscience in a bid to ease or excuse the pressure (guilt and accusations of various kinds) on one’s conscience through genuinely hearty acts, therapy, etcetera.
How do you make peace with you past? Through the following ways:
- Confession
- Repentance
- Restitution (compensation and or restoration)
- Seeking and receiving forgiveness
- Righting and making amends where possible
And last of all:
- Forgive yourself
These may be simple, but they hold powerful keys to ultimate victory in situations like this. Note that forgetting the past, letting the past go, walking away from it doesn’t literally mean to forget the events that happened in the past (if it were possible you should). It wouldn’t be possible to forget something that has shaped the way you are, the life you now live and probably the person you have become. Forgetting the past and putting it behind rather means to stop the past from being a dominant influence over your life—deciding and choosing how you see things, how you judge things, how you make your choices, how you live and order your life.
EPILOGUE:
I am! So now what?
“Memories are precious; they are what we have left after we have lived through life. We must cherish them. How else can we be sure and explain without them that we had been living before this moment?”
Life is beautiful, life is a gift! Sometimes the beauty of life is not just in the now we have but in the then—memories—we have had; with friends, families, loved ones, childhood, old school days and all. We can’t have those years back; we can only recall and acknowledge them in our minds (as we engage our memories) that we have indeed lived through periods and times like that. Life is coloured not just with today’s details but with the memories of yesterday’s events. Colour adds beauty, which of course means that the sense of beauty we possess is also a function of our remembrance of yesterday’s events, the life we had, and the life we have lived and continue to live. Let’s be grateful for it consciously and intentionally creating beautiful memories as we go.
Ufreverse